We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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