life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
two words...techno handjob
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
