Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
