i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
