i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
