you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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