i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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