did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
