Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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