Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
