peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
