After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
