hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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