If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
