woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
