I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
