A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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