So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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