My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
