There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm both gender and math confused
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
