I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
How's work?
Spinning.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
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