All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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