I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
