All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
