Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
