Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
