Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
