yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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