i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
