You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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