I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
