I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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