I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
