she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
