Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
