At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
