You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
