Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
