If i come over, it means nothing
The maid of honor just puked.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
