Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize