you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
