He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm always down for nudity.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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