Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
