New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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