I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
