its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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