We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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