I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
