Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
