I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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