just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
