K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
