This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
