That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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