I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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